Sleep to dream

Is something I rarely get to do lately. I sleep to get five minutes of sanity. And I have trouble sleeping because I lay there on edge waiting for TJ to cry. He's a good sleeper but occasionally he has those nights where he just wakes up crying and nothing I do will make him stop. Hopefully tonight is NOT one of those nights. Time to shower and hopefully get some sleep. <3


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How do I get you alone..

I saw Heart tonight with my mom and they were amazing!! Ann Wilson's voice is phenomenal! I got goose bumps hearing here sing. They were the openingn act so it was a pretty short set but they did a cover of one of my favorite songs, Love Reign O'er me by The Who. Def leopard was the main act but we left before they even came on. My mom has seen them 5x and I saw them 2x so we didn't care about staying. I wish Heart would play alone. And I don't mean the song, because they did play that and it was amazing!







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Time waits for no one

Not even for me to blog. Which I forgot to do yesterday. So now at 3:15am, I blog!

So TJ has basically been sleeping through the night, except for times like these when he wakes up screaming and I have no idea why. I think it is his teeth. I gave him some orajel and Tylenol and put him in the swing to rock him back to sleep and then I will put him back in the crib. I would usually put him back in the crib, but he has gotten too big and sometimes he tilts out. He's a bit top heavy.

On the Tylenol note, I actually hate giving it to him. I feel like I am drugging him and taking the easy way out. But he is in a lot of pain with his gums, no teeth have popped through yet, and the dr told me to give it to him. I don't give him as much as the dr told me, just enough to take the edge off and I usually give him a teething ring too. Let's hope he goes back to sleep now and stays asleep until at least 6am!




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Sex and candy

I don't mean that in a good way. I mean that in the way that my sex life isn't as exciting because my body is a fat mess because I eat too much candy. Sex was so much better when Tommy and I had better bodies. Weighing in at almost 200lbs and him at 250lbs doesn't equal a great sex video. It equals lots of skin slapping and sweating. And not the good sweating. The I'm too fat and way to out of shape to last any longer than a half an hour. Sometimes 45 minutes, but that's pushing it. It's hard enough to actually get the free time, with having a child, that when we actually have it I want it to last and be really good. Not just the 10-15 minute quickies we get while the baby is sleeping or if someone else has him. So I guess it's time to lay off the candy and get my ass to the gym.


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Running, running...

My nose will not stop running!!! I went through two GIANT boxes of tissues yesterday. My nose is raw and sore. Well since I have nothing interesting to write today, as of now, I will post something old.

There once was a girl who had the world in the palm of her hands, but lost it in the blink of an eye.  Maybe one day she will get it back. She will pick up the pieces and find out she never really lost it at all. She was beautiful and wonderful and gracious and powerful. But all she saw was sorrow and ugliness and pain. Never knowing, never understanding, always unsure. Unable to help herself and to except help from others, she slowly withered away. Destroying each delicate strand of beauty, one by one. Bit by bit. Piece by piece. Layer by layer she unraveled. Unable to stop, the tidal wave flourished and conquered and  she was nothing more than a carrion.
                                                  
                                                                -By Me =)

The dog days are over now...

In about an hour my dog Froggy will be put to sleep. Last night she had, what looked like a stroke, and wasn't able to stand up. She just flopped around like a fish out of water. My mom drugged her to keep her calm for the night so that she could bring her to her vet in the morning and not the emergency vet. She was able to get up this morning and go to the bathroom, but she still isnt right. Froggy is a large dog and she is 17 years old. That is a lot older than most dogs live.

I got Froggy when I was 13. I worked in a vet for a short two weeks and there was Froggy, whose name at the time was Beautiful. She squirmed on the floor with her legs spread out like a frog. And she also peed everywhere. I took her home with me one weekend and told my mom it was just for the weekend because the vet was over crowded. She never left. Even though my mom thereatened to take her to the pound severl times, she could never do it. Froggy was a "bad" dog so to speak. She peed all over the floor, ate the garbage, ran away, and liked to bite people in the ankle when they tried to walk in the house. She was also a good dog. She protected me above everyone else. And for a long time she lived in my closet. She liked it there, I guess she felt safe closed in.

After I moved into Tommy's house, she lived in front of my mothers closet, and that is where she stayed until today.

Rest in peace Froggy llama llama ding dong! <3 xoxo

Slightly toasted...

A bagel for breakfast again. If I eat another bagel, I am going to turn into one.

I actually hate when people say shit like that. “You keep eating so many banana’s you are going to turn into one”

Well if thats the case, Im going to go out right now and eat a Victoria’s Secret model….

Boy oh boy!

My sister just had her baby. Welcome baby Ashton!



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Let's get physical! Physical!

Not in the Olivia Newton-John sense, I have no problem in getting physical like that, but in the actually going to the gym, working out, and burning calories sense. I have never been this heavy in my life, and now that my son is six months, I don't think I can really use the excuse "I just had a baby" anymore.

I signed up to the gym, on July 6th, and I still haven't gone. I have bought "work-out" clothing and new sneakers, oh, and even new "gym" towels, but I still haven't gone. 

I always say that if I was skinner and in better shape I would work out all the time. Well my fairy godmother forgot to wave her magic wand over me and give me a perfectly toned body and lots of energy to keep it that way. And really good eating habits too. I think I will have to send her a quite nasty letter. Until then, I guess I will have to look at Adrianna Lima in her underwear to get motivated, because my underwear pictures, just don't look that good. I can't imagine why either, I am wearing the same bra and panties as her....

My crabby patty!



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Here we go round the mulberry bush...

My entire life I have hated repetition. Now my entire life is repetitive. Tj wakes up almost the same time ever morning and eats his bottle and then watches baby Einstein for about an hour and a half and then goes down for a nap. After this nap, which could last anywhere from 30-120 minutes. Then he gets up and gets dressed and he eats breakfast and another bottle. After that I try to mix it up. Maybe a little jumping, playing in the play pen, or rolling on the floor. If I am having a really anxious day where I can't stand the repetition, I'll take him to the store, usually to walk around since I'm broke. But that's a whole nother story. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I CANT STAND DOING THE SAME SHIT EVERYDAY!!! But I guess that's what being a mother entails. Children learn by repettion and therefor I must repeat. Over and over again...

iPhone

Testing 1 2 3 4 wish there was an app.

To begin...

I used to be a really good writer. I was even selected to be in writing classes instead of basic english in high school. The thing is, I haven't written in years. I guess I am better with a pen then typing, but I haven't been able to do that either. Writing with a pen in a book has always seem more personal to me. I want to start writing again, but I am not sure exactly to why I can't. Maybe I am too content with life. I wrote the best when life was dramatic and things were unpredictable. To quote Trent Reznor, "Everyday is exactly the same...".

I have a livejournal, and I tried writing in that again, but it didnt seem to work. So I figured I would try this, try something new, and maybe, just maybe, I can get the wheels turing again.