Here I am!

So we weren't really rocked like by hurricane, but some places were and the flooding was really bad. Even if we did get hit bad, I was prepared. I had filled all the empty bottles with tap water and got D batteries for the flash lights and tapes the windows and had enough food and snacks. My mom lost power but (knock on wood) we didn't at all.

On a more fun note we stayed up late and played sour apples to apples and it was really fun. We shall have to play that more often.


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Was it a dream...

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wish it was all a dream. Wish certain things in life weren't the way they were, wish my best friend didn't have to suffer the way she does. It feels like lately all is going to shit. Earthquakes, hurricanes, and whatever else is coming next. If it was just me, I wouldn't be as scared of a possibility of the word ending, but because of my son I try to think of a new hope and the positive side of things. Let's hope it's just an extra rainy, windy weekend full of board games and eating too many snacks.


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To have and to hold

Even five years later we are still going strong. Had a pretty damn good anniversary. Work up and got a card and then took care of my baby all day and then after Tommy came home from work we went and saw Conan. It was pretty decent and Jason Momoa is pretty damn hot to look at. After that, ended my night with a "bang" and now time for bed. Here's to another five years.... And sexy dreams.




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Good read for the morning

The Self Esteem Act: It's Time to Confront the Bully That Is Our Beauty Culture

‎Monday, ‎August ‎22, ‎2011, ‏‎9:50:09 AM | Seth Matlins

My wife and I almost beat-up a six-year-old girl yesterday.

She was a playground bully; pushing, cutting, baiting, and hating all over our kids' happy. And we get all mama bear when our kids' happiness is at stake.

And it is. Not by a six year-old playground tyrant; we scared her off, but by our popular, media, and beauty cultures, who may be the biggest bullies of all. And these three are a lot bigger, tougher and more popular than that six-year-old girl. But just as surely, they're opening a can of whoop-ass all over our little kids and, in fact, women and girls of all ages.

Popular culture influences and shapes how we feel, what we think, talk and wonder about. It can wield this power for good and ill, passively or actively. Hollywood can raise and even change our consciousness -- or just mess with it. And these days, like a playground bully, it's messing with it.

See, there's an epidemic crisis of confidence affecting girls and women, and an inextricable link between the epidemic and our cultural products, norms and images. The numbers are horrifying:

Walk down a crowded middle/high school hallway and over 70% of the girls you'll see don't think they're "good enough" in some way.

Remember being 13? Well, 50% of 13-year-old girls are unhappy with their bodies. By the time they're 17, 800,000 out of 1 million of them will be unhappy.

80% of adult women feel insecure about their looks after seeing images of women as depicted in the media. 80% feel worse about themselves after being "entertained"!

I've spent a career at the intersection of Hollywood and Madison Avenue. This intersection paid for our house. Actually, it's paid for pretty much everything in our lives. Thus we're lovers not haters so to be clear we're talking about Hollywood broadly and metaphorically, and really mean the purveyors of the stuff that popular culture is made of from Madison Avenue, 6th Avenue, and Main Street too.

It's perverse that something that really just wants to make us feel good for at least a moment can make us feel bad for a lifetime. But it can, because intentionally or not, many of us internalize what's going up on billboards, online, and on screens big and small, making these images a part of our identity, aspirations, references, and expectations.

We wind up confusing the ideal and the real, and these days the so-called ideal is masquerading as the real, like one great big Bernie Madoff Ponzie Scheme. Like Bernie, if it looks too good to be true, it probably is.

So what do we do?

As parents and the founders of Off Our Chests, we think we all need to hold each other more accountable. Accountable to what's put out there, how literally we take it; and accountable for the mainstreaming of images and expectations; standards of perfection and norms that are too often inaccessible if not impossible -- because they're not real.

So today we are beginning our campaign to create The Self-Esteem Act, a bill requiring "truth in advertising" labels be attached to advertising and editorials with models photoshopped or airbrushed to a meaningful degree.

The Self-Esteem Act isn't about judging, it's about clarifying. If as marketers you choose to keep doing what you've done, that's between you, the talent in your ads, and your consumers. Now you just need be upfront about it and declare it. If you're not comfortable declaring it, don't do it. It's that simple.

Our point is that conscious and commerce can and should co-exist. We think that consumers will appreciate the truth over an unachievable ideal that the advertising, fashion and film industries sometimes set.

We know we're not the first to talk about this, but nothing's changed. It's been a conversation domestically, in Europe, and three weeks ago, a British MP pulled L'Oréal ads deeming the images of Julia Roberts and Christy Turlington so overly photoshopped they created an "unrealistic" expectation of what women should look like, citing the campaign as an example of the "[media's] role in contributing to a negative body image."

So to all involved, we say, keep doing what you're doing if you must -- just tell us you've done it. Maybe then we will realize that the women in those ads and spreads are about as real as Avatar, and thus, we'll see it as escapism and not as realism to which we don't measure up.

Support the Self-Esteem Act. We'll all feel better, even if some of us look a little more real.

To support the Self-Esteem Act, or learn more about Off Our Chests, please visit OffOurChests.com.

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Bad to worse

Well my car needs a new engine. God only knows how much that will cost. And we have practically no money. :( Then my mom tells me that my cousin is pregnant again. She already had two children that she temporarily lost custody to to her mother. There are so many people out there, including my best friend, who deserve to have children and can't. After that I said "this day can't get any worse" and then NY gets his with the after shock of an earthquake from Virginia. I thought I was getting dizzy from anxiety but then I realized the whole house was shaking. So I had a pretty crapy day but then as I was about to leave TJ with Jason he turned and looked at me and said "mama"! I was in shock and if Jason didn't hear it no one would believe me. It was so cute. And it wasn't even a babble. It was "mama"! <3



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Just my luck

Car is in the shop just after the jeep was in the shop. Might need a new engine. Tomorrow I will find out for sure.


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To have and to hold

Today I went to a wedding at East Wind in Wading River and it was actually really nice and really fun for a day wedding. I definitely think it was the best day wedding I have been to. It was really beautiful outside for the ceremony and the cocktail hour had really good food. The pene ala vodka and chicken fracaise were amazing! I had filet mingon for dinner and it was really good too. The cake was beautiful but didnt taste that good. They had a photo booth that made really funny pictures. The bride looked beautiful and the groom looked really happy. I wish them the best of luck in the future!!

Trying is not an option...

Doing is the only choice. I am sick of always "trying" to have a better body and "trying" to be healthier. This time I going to do it. A year from now I am going to have my goal/dream body.




Too bad I can't have the face and the hair too. If I really start to work hard enough and start eating a lot better then I can come close to that by my 30th birthday. I'm not going to ask anyone to wish me luck because this time I won't need it. This time I am not going to try, I am going to do! Here's to tomorrow!


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20 Questions

1 Were you named after anyone? Yes, Victoria Principle. She was an actress my mom liked. 

2 Do you like your own handwriting? OMG have you seen my handwritting?!?!. I wish it was more elegant and romantic looking.

3 What would your superpower be if you could choose one? The ability to travel anywhere in the world with the snap of my fingers.

4 Are you an Optimist or Pessimist? I am an pessimist with the most optimistic views.

5 What do you collect? Lenox. And journals. Even if I only write a page or never write in them at all, I seem to have a draw full of them.

6 What movie would your friends be surprised that you like? I really dont think there is much that I could do or say anymore that would surprise or shock any of my friends. Maybe that I like musicals like, South Pacific and Carousel.

7 What are your favorite smells? Fall and the smell of suger, butter and vanilla mixed together while baking.

8 Coffee or Tea? Tea all the way. Occasionally half caf coffee when I need a pick me up. 

9 Wine or Beer? Both are gross.

10 What is the best thing you've ever eaten? (Where?) My Nana's Easter bread. Mine is pretty kick ass too

11 Mac or PC? PC, but greatly considering Mac.

 

12 What are you listening to right now? TJ watching baby einstein.

13 What career would you pursue in another life? When I was little all I ever said I wanted to be was a Lawyer, so maybe I would be an amaizng attorney.

14 What sound or noise to you love? TJ's laugh. <3

15 What sound or noise do you hate? Almost anyting repettitive. Drives me nuts!

16 Mountains or Beach? Beach

17 Cook or Bake? Love to bake. Cooking I have to really really be in the mood.

18 Do you go to restaurants and movies by yourself? I honestly don't think that I ever have. I will have to try it one day soon. 

19 What is your favorite fairy tale or childhood story? There were so many that my aunt used to read to be all the time. I loved them all, but I guess my all time favorite was Goodnight Mood.

20 What would you tell the 13 year old you? That it really does get better. And even if all your "plans" don't happen, you can always make new ones and still be happy.

Shrinky dink pt 2

I decided to go to a therapist. The main reason was that if I went, my mom might go and I really think she needs to talk to someone. I dont mind going, and trust me, I have enough issues of my own so maybe she will help work through them. Like being afraid to go on a cruise. Tommy would really like to go on a cruise and I feel like I hold him back with certain things. I want to travel and go to different places, but my anxiety tends to hold me back. Last year was the first time I went to Florida. Everyone has been to Florida. I also tend to think the worst of things and always think that bad things are going to happen. Hopefully talking things out with her will help. Next appt is Tuesday. We shall see how that one goes.

Shrinky dink

Today I had my first appointment with a therapist. She seemed really nice. I'm too tired to write anymore and I'm watching Arthur, so I'll talk about my Shrinky dink in the morning.


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Way to start the morning....

I checked my bank account this morning and my unemployment wasn't deposited. So I go look on the website and nothing is said. Last week my year was up so I thought I had to file a new claim, but said no and to work off the old claim. So that's what I did. Now this week because I didn't get paid, I went back and tried to follow a new claim and now it let me. I would have done that on Sunday when I filed a claim through my old one. I hope they approve it. It said that I still have money available. If not we are completely screwed. My unemployment gives us about $900 a month. I can't put TJ in daycare (He is not the easiest child and he still has some issues) so I would have to find something either later in the day so maybe Jay could watch him until Tommy got home, or after Tommy got home from work. And I don't think I have the strength to physically or mentally do that. I don't get enough sleep as it is to function normally at home, how will I do that at a job. I would have to take care of him all day, and then go to work. I know plenty of people do that, but I don't think I could. I don't mentally function well without sleep. Without my unemployment, we probably wont even have enough to pay our bills. We will be cutting back big time on everything. Let's just add more stress to my already stressful life. Woo fucking hooooo!

TJ blew chunks on daddy.




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Cinderelly cinderelly...

Some days I just feel like Cinderella, and today is one of those days. Except there is no prince to come shove my fat foot into a glass slipper. There is just my husband lol. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and he is actually really amazing and helpful. I'm just do for my period and I have been doing laundry all day and I had to go buy TJ baby food (and a new batman toy), and put laundry away, and change the sheets and feed TJ dinner and give him a bath, and wash all his bottles and dishes. And to make my day worse, I have been stuffing my face and I feel fat and bloated and like I weigh a thousand pounds. I want to just crawl into a hole and sleep. But no, I have to weight for the laundry to finish so I can put it away and then maybe, just maybe I can rest and watch True Blood at 9pm.

Snip snip

Tommy is scheduled to have a vasectomy on Sept 23rd. I'm the one that sent him to go for the consult and made the appointment for the procedure, so why do I have this little twinge of doubt kicking me in the gut? Its a big risk if I get pregnant. I get really sick and beside that, I have a blood clot condition that puts me and my unborn child at risk. I already lost one baby and I don't want to risk it again. Also, I am not greatest person to deal with a newborn. It was really rough the first few month. TJ was colicky and had reflux and just cried and cried and cried. And I cried and cried and cried. Also, our living space would prevent us from having another child. We would need our own place. Which we eventually do anyway, but we need to get out debt first. Another thing that prevents us from having a child. Children are expensive. You have to pay for schooling and feeding and diapers and doctors, and eventually college and everything else that a child needs. So as much as I would want TJ to have a little brother or sister, it would be selfish to do so. I want to be able to give my child everything. I don't want TJ to have to struggle with bills or debt and I want him to have the best. It wouldn't be fair to a child to bring them into this world for your own selfish needs. If you cant give a child everything, that don't have a child. I know that may sound harsh, and I am not saying that poor people shouldn't have children. I am saying selfish people shouldn't have children. So after writing all this I know a vasectomy is the right choice and if somewhere down the road we decide we want another, there are always options.

Vrooommm

So today Tommy and I switched vehicles. Yay! For not have to pull TJ out of my back seat. Boo! For not having my vroom vroom with heated seats and telling me the temperature and my ADD radio button on my steering wheel. I guess once he can sit forward I can go back to my car. Oh and we got his new car seat today.




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Nom nom nom

Why am I always sooooooo hungry!!!! I'm trying to lose weight and all I want to do is eat. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! I'll never lose weight at this rate.


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What's your favorite scary movie?

Not scream 4! Its ok but nothing great. I liked the first one but I think that's it. I guess it's getting a little better as it goes along.

Ps- I ate too much Pirates Booty! I will have to walk double tomorrow.


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I'm too tired to exercise...

How many times you said that excuse? How many times have I said that? Way too many to count!! But it's funny because now that I have been exercising, I have so much more energy during the day. I'm not tired and dragging all day and I am sleeping better at night. So now I must get ready to go for my morning walking with my amazing stroller. Wish me luck!


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Beep beep

Is it wrong that I want my husband to switch vehicles with me so it's easier for me to transport our son? I have a two door car and I want to get a better car seat that stays in the car, but in order to do that I would have to climb in and out of my backseat. The main reason I want a better car seat is because it hurts my back to move him in the carry car seat. I get that Tommy doesn't like my car, he says it's too low to the ground. It's a good car otherwise. I'm also afraid if he took it he would ruin it because he would be driving around all day with it for work. I wish they would just give him a work van already and then all would be perfect.


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Name game

Tj should be the number one trending name of 2010 and 2011. Seems like everyone is naming their kid tj or AJ or something like that. We had Tj picked out since the first time I was pregnant in 2008. I knew we should have went with Jackson. Or Tristian. But Tommy said no lol. Oh well what can you do.


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Feed me Seymour!

All I want to do is eat! I've been Working out and trying to eat right and then it gets to about 9pm and I want to stuff my face! At this rate I am never going to lose weight. So far so good. I am trying to distract myself with The Vampire Diaries. I am so backed up on my shows. I need to try to finish last season before the next season starts. Time to watch some Shows. <3



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Only girl..

When I was younger, it never bothered me at all the way Tommy acted with other girls. Grabbing boobs and ass and trying to show them his dick and just saying stupid shit. Most of the time it doesn't bother me now either. But I guess it does because I don't feel good about me. When I was younger all the guys we hung out with always fawned all over me. Now I just feel frumpy. I wanna feel sexy again! And it's not like Tommy doesnt constantly tell me I am sexy and beautiful and that he loves my body, because he does, I just don't feel that way. I sometimes I feel he says it just to get laid. But like Rhianna said "I want you to make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world"



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BATMAN!!

Today we took TJ to White Post farms todaty to meet Batman. It was a really cute place and it would have been perfect if it wasnt so fucking hot. We will definitely go back when it is cooler. We only stayed about an hour and a half, but we still had fun. Im exhausted now so this is my lame post and I will end it with some pictures.

Happy Birthday Hubby

So today was Tommy's birthday and I threw him a mini pirate party with an awesome cake from Black Forest Bakery.



And Jody made really awesome cupcakes too.



We had lots of fun with family and "family" and I ate waayyyyyy too much! I'll never lose weight this way. Tomorrow I get my ass back in gear

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Best. Stroller. Ever!

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Paranoia paranoia...

Why am I such a hypercondreact?!?!? I just found out that someone I know was diagnosed with MS. So now I looked up the symptoms online and I give myself anxiety that I have it. I have constant cronic back pain and my legs always hurt and my neck and I'm always tired and my ever since I had tj my lower back and knees have been killing me. But there is your answer right there. New baby = back pain, tiredness, stress, exhaustion, and all that fun stuff. But my psycho mind goes straight to MS. I need to find a good therapist asap.




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Un-Necessary Roughness

I know that I didn't have the worst pregnancy, I have ready pleanty of other HG pregnancies that were way worse than mine, but I did have it worse than anyone I know. And I fucking HATE when people say they had a rough pregnancy. If you were able to work, it wasnt rough. If you were NOT in the hospital, almost every other week, it wasnt rough. I dont want to hear you had a rough pregnancy because you were uncomfortable and you hated being pregnant. Im sure you didnt like it, but it wasnt ROUGH. I also dont want to hear how sick you are with "morning" sickness if you are still able to work and go out and party at night. I had TWO rough pregnancies and the first one I lost a little girl. The second one was worth every hospital trip and and days of vomitting 24/7. I understand that there are pleanty of people who had it worse than me and that even people who didnt, think in their mind that it was bad. But I dont want to hear it! Especially from people who are my "family" and friends that werent there for me. So to them, I say FUCK YOU!

What if

Have you ever wondered what your life would have been like if you had chosen someone else? What if I had dated Rich or had hooks up with Ronnie or had cheated on Tommy with Bruce? I couldn't actually see myself dating any of them. Or anyone else really for that matter. But do you ever think about how one little slip up could change everything completely. Somehow, no matter what happened, me and Tommy always found our way back to each other. And I am truly grateful for that because we have our little boy and he is the most important thing. As I watch him sleep on this creepy monitor, I couldn't ever imagine my life with out him.




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People are strange...

Even when you're not a stranger. Some people to me are just weird. Even people I am related to. I guess that's what makes life interesting. As I type this I am sitting across from a "strange" person, so to speak. I guess what bothers me about her is that I feel like she is constantly analyzing people and just sitting there diagnosing you. I guess it has something to do with her going to be a psychologist. But shes weird even before that. And I fucking HATE when people act like they know everything. Its like, just be part of the conversation. Don't take it over. I'll have to write more when I have free time.

Boom! Pow! Bam!

My baby is BATBABY!!!!




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C a h l s... Wait a second..

Where do people's last names come from? Why the fuck do they make them so complicated. Everyone's last name should be Smith or Brown, even Johnson or Peters. Eventually I have to teach Tj to spell Cahlstadt. I still have trouble spelling it! Oh well, to whoever made these ridiculous names, go fuck yourself!


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